Self-soothing

Disasters... My life is turning off...
Right now I'm dying. Right now I'm losing the race.
No way. I feel like a trash. Why?
Why this is so hard? Why the best moments have spots, like fungus in the bread? Ahhh... Those spots...
Hey, psst... Come in. I will tell you some things that you know surely, but I wanna remember for us.
Life... Ahhh, this life. Sometimes, when it is nice, is like a delicious candy bar or a favorite chocobar. Else, it is like my life. A barbed wire, turning around of me, it isn't letting me breath, live, feel the real good moments... I feel overwhelmed. I die.
That die, is a melted ice cube. I feel like it, an ice cube. Exposed to the sunlight...
I'm dead. Now my soul is errant. Seeing which people is spending the same as I lived... Seeing the worst things over the Earth. Bad luck, antisocialism, hypocrisy, sel-destruction... Aaaaaaggh! Why I died? I wanted be the light to fix those horrible mistakes! I wanted be outstanding. I wanted help the humanity...
Well, right now I can't. I can't... For an only reason: my self-soothing.
Self-soothing... I need friends, not only self-soothing.
I need a better life, not only to live.
I need work to get them, not only work to earn money!
I need you, better things.
I need... Resuscitate.
The time is running. The hours are spending so fast... I feel my life is recovering again. But, I've done many correct things, the change isn't here yet. And so?
I-think-the-life-must-reward-me-because-I-have-worked-so-hard!
Life, don't disappoint me. I'm crying bloody tears for you, waiting for a better chance. Please... What have I done wrong? Don't give me a bad surprise...
I have sadness right now. But... I hope happiness returns to my life, after too many time that it is gone. Just I have a few things and I trying to be happy with it.
I need a new life.